please treat with tongue in cheek!

Someone has glued my pack of cards together...I cannot deal with it!


Does anyone know what 'A.S.A.P' stands for? I need an answer as soon as possible!


Last week I went to the bank and asked a cashier to check my balance. She pushed me over


A random bloke came running up to me shouting ‘ big hole in the ground full of water, big hole in the ground full of water’ I think he means well


I have discovered the cheapest place for kids shoes is at the front of a bouncy castle!


Working as a lift engineer has its ups and downs


I used to work in a shoe recycling factory... It was 'sole' destroying!


I do not trust stairs. They are always up to something or very down to earth!


My wife left me... She said "I watch too much cricket!" It really has hit me for 6.


I heard that my local Tesco store was robbed by two people tonight. Apparently they stole fireworks! The local police had the cheek to let them off !!!


I recently heard that dentists' are going on strike next week... Brace yourself!


I hate people who use the same word twice in the same sentence... Enough is enough.


Man: Have you got a book about tortoises? Book seller: Hard back?


My former music teacher was arrested the other day. He was known for his Violins in the classroom!


Tesco (Coles) are giving away free stuff to anyone who can outrun the security guard!


Last night a friend asked if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him...I was married now and that's where I sleep!


Does anybody remember that joke I told about a Chiropractor. It was about a 'week' back..


More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.


The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.


"The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.


No word in the English language rhymes with month.


Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump."


"Stewardesses' is the longest word typed with only the left hand, "lollipop" with the right.


The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.


The words "racecar" and "kayak" are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.


"Typewriter" is the longest word that can be made using the letters from only one row of the keyboard.


The are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: abstemious and facetious.


There is a word in the English language with only one vowel, which occurs six times: indivisibility.


The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable."


A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.


On the other hand, you have different fingers.


I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.


42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.


99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.


I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.


You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.


I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?


Honk if you love peace and quiet.


Remember half the people you know are below average.


Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?


Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.


Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


He who laughs last thinks slowest.


Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.


Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.


The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.


I intend to live forever - so far so good.


Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.


If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?


Quantum mechanics: the dreams stuff is made of.


The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.


Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.


When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.


If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.


A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.


Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.


For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.


Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.


Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.


No one is listening until you make a mistake.


Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.


The colder the x-ray table the more you body is required on it.


The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of bread.


The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.


To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.


To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.


Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.


You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.


Two wrongs are only the beginning.


The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.


The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.


A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.


Change is inevitable except from vending machines.


Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!


Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.


Always try to be modest and be proud of it!


If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments!


How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...


Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.


If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.


He/she was so dumb... ..she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.


..he sent me a fax with a stamp on it.


..she thought a quarterback was a refund.


..he tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.


..she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.


..he thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.


..she thought General Motors was in the army.


..he thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.


..she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. .


.under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."


..he tripped over a cordless phone.


..she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate."


..he told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."


..he asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.


..she studied for a blood test.


..he thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."


..he sold the car for gas money!


..when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.


..when he went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," he turned around and went home.


..when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. .


.he thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.


..if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.


..he thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening. .


.she had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."





Explanation for Student Compendium
File Includes
A shortened form of a word or phrase.
ANU - Australian National University
An acronym is a pronounceable word formed from the first letter (or first few letters) of each word in a phrase or title. Sometimes, the newly combined letters create a new word that becomes a part of everyday language. An example of this is the acronym radar. Also includes Mnemonics
a word naming an attribute of a noun, such as sweet, red, or technical. Adjectives are words that describe or modify other words * Priest = Sacerdotal

Types of animals, Sounds the make, Where do they live, Collective names of animals

Apes - gibber, Camel live in Australia, Sahara & Arabia, names = Bull - is called a heifer

a word opposite in meaning to another (e.g. bad - good ).

Opposites = Absent - present

Big_Words for small
Small word with big word alternative
Anger - Dudgeon * bold - Audacious

A feature or quality belonging typically to a person, place, or thing and serving to identify them

A partner in crime - accomplice

Words pertaining to the church

A passage between the pews in a church - Aisle

Similar sounding words with different meanings also Homonyms

Council, an administrative or advisory body, do not confuse with counsel, advice or guidance.

All about communication see also A History of Communication
All computer terms (ASCII, Binary, Unicode)

Names given to certain towns or countries includes facts about climate

Aberdeen - The Granite City The Torrid Zone has the hottest climate Zinc - Mexico, U.S.A., Spain

Words pertaining to death

Occurring after death - posthumous

A diminutive person is short and small. A diminutive wordis a "cute" version of a word or name: for example, "duckling" is a diminutive of "duck" and Billy is a diminutive form of the name William

Cask - casket   

Famous world discoveries of countries continents, includes Australian discoverers

Matthew Flinders -discovered Bass Strait. * Lord Robert Baden-Powell founded the Boy Scouts in 1908

Explanation of a word, words in literal expressions denote what they mean according to common or dictionary usage

Aloof -To keep to oneself and not mix with others.

Gender list of male female

Actor - Actress

Countries of the world and Geographical facts

The Circumference of the earth is approxinmately 24,800 miles.

List of gods and goddesses

War - Mars

Australian and UK government with words denoting government

Australian Government

Explains grammar syntax and verbs adjectives nouns etc.

Explains various uses of nouns verbs etc.

The art of living together includes senses, elements, cardinal numbers, cardinal virtues

THE ART OF LIVING - Consideration for the feelings of others

Alphabetical list of the most important inventions

Clock (pendulum) - Christian Huygens

List of kings and queens of Britain with facts and information

EGBERT 827 - 839

Practical list of  words explained in a sentence or phrase

A book in which the events of each day are recorded - Diary

Words pertaining to marriage included anniversary gifts

A hater of marriage - misogamist

Medical terms in use today

A disease confined to a particular district or place - endemic

Metaphor is a figure of speech that makes an implicit, implied, or hidden comparison between two things that are unrelated

Sounds that things make, description of various venues or habitats, special calendar dates, Aussie slang words, Mnemonics

All Fools' Day - 1st April - Aussie slang - sounds that things make etc.

Names of persons or things, occupations, and a description of word meanings i.e. Terrestrial = Earth

Various names explained Bird of night - Owl

Words connected to nature

A four-footed animal - quadruped

a word or statement that expresses denial, disagreement, or refusal

That which cannot be pierced or penetrated - impenetrable

Explanation of nouns, COMMON Nouns, PROPER Nouns, COLLECTIVE  Nouns and ABSTRACT Nouns.

sit - seat (when to use Nouns)

Numbers of animals things i.e. A number of Cattle = herd

A number of fish taken in a net - catch, haul

a person or thing that is totally different from or the reverse of someone or something else.

Unable to read - il-literate

Special days, Aussies slang and any other items not covered in this list

Any other items that might be of interest

List of Patron Saints

St. George of England, St. Andrew of Scotland

Noctiphobia - Fear of the night

A list of places A place where bees are kept = apiary

A place where fishes are kept - aquarium

The case which is used to show possession is called the possessive case or genitive case. In case of nouns, an apostrophe is used to show it.

Is the case which denotes the owner or possessor

All Prefixes

List of various professions

The commander of a fleet - Admiral

Famous proverbs A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush

A bad beginning makes a good ending.

Serious Quotes and some Witty funny one liners

Someone has glued my pack of cards together...I cannot deal with it!

Famous sayings

as a drowned rat. - as ancient as the sun—as the stars.

List of words used in Science or Art

An instrument for detecting earthquakes - seismograph

Explanation of scientific items like barometer

The science of land management - agronomics

The seven wonders of the ancient world with explanations

The Pyramids of Egypt

Words to use as a Simile which is a phrase that describes one thing in terms of another.  A simile usually begins with like or as.

Archates - a good friend * Belt = to hit below the belt

List of words or phrases that has the same or nearly the same meaning as another 

abandon....... desert, forsake, leave.

Understanding words, Incorrect Use of Words,

Thesaurus of Words
Thesaurus - abandon = abandoned, abandoning, abandonment, abandons affluent =having an abundant supply of money or possessions of value,words explained and incorrect use of words

The floor was dirt.  Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor." 

Words used in war

Nations carrying on warfare - belligerents

Anniversary dates and wedding information

Words shown in noun or verb

strong - strengthen

Signs of the Zodiac

Please note there are some excellent links to assist with these pages

see at the end for the links for further information. 

Abbreviations divider Acronyms divider Animals divider Antonymns divider Big Words for Small Words divider Characteristics divider Church divider Countries Cities

divider Communication divider Death divider Diminutives divider Famous divider Figurative Expressions divider Gender divider Geographical divider Gods and Goddesses divider Government divider Grammar and Syntaxdivider  Human Relationships divider Inventions divider Kings and Queens divider Literary Sentences divider Marriage divider Medicaldivider Metaphors divider Miscellaneous divider Nouns divider Names divider Nature divider Negatives divider Numbers divider Opposites divider Patron Saints divider Places divider Possessive Case divider Phobiasdivider Professions divider Proverbs divider Prefixes divider Science & Arts divider Scientific Termsdivider Seven Wonders divider Similies divider Synonyms divider War Words divider Wedding divider Words to Verbs divider Other divider Home



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