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Life Skills

 

A collection of thoughts and things to help you deal with life in this big wide world

 

Life Skills 101

Here are some words to help get through life...but there are links to other documents see above or below

These are my thoughts about me

First thing to do is start by loving yourself, you know you will love your parents, siblings, spouse, children and your friends but really if you don’t love yourself you may struggle with other emotions.

Remember the world does not rest on your shoulders you are not Atlas and you do not need that pressure.
I worked on a vegetable store when I was 14 and this made me brilliant at mental arithmetic but I never quibble about prices or enter into bargaining with vegetable and fruit vendors. They have families to feed and look after as well! A few cents more is not going to break me, so why worry about it. If I lend someone $5 I don't expect to get it back! if I do great if I don't it's not worth the hassle. 
Never stop anyone re-telling a story that they may have told me before, I tell a lot of jokes and the worst is the idiot that yells out “I’ve heard this one”, (insecure fool) so I stopped telling the elderly that they've already told that story many times. The story makes them walk down memory lane and relive their past, the telling of the joke gives pleasure to those who may not have heard it, even if they have, they know I am only trying to make them happy.
I worked in several bars and clubs as a waiter, I now leave my waiter/waitress a generous tip if deserved. The extra money might bring a smile to his/her face. He/She is toiling much harder for a living than I am so make someone smile it is infectious. I often try to get a wait person to help me with the food order I just tell them "I don't speak Menu"
I have learned not to correct people even when I know they are wrong, I can honestly say I have never been right all the time! The onus of making everyone perfect is not on me. Peace is more precious than perfection and nobody is perfect. 
I give compliments freely and generously. Compliments are a mood enhancer not only for the recipient, but also for me. I never, NEVER reject a compliment, I just say "Thank You.” 
I am learning not to be embarrassed by my emotions, I smile more than I cry and it’s my emotions that make me human. 
Friends are very important so I have learned that it's better to drop the ego than to break a friendship or relationship. My ego will keep me apart, whereas with good relationships and friends, I will never be alone. 
It only takes 5 seconds to say the wrong thing, the best resolution is to say sorry as soon as you can, the longer you leave it the harder it will be, so be brave and say sorry strait away if you are wrong or have spoke out of turn.
I have learned to live each day as if it's the last. After all, it might be the last ,that’s why its called the present today and the past yesterday live for today. There used to be a quote about that somewhere!
I am always trying to do what makes me happy. I am responsible for my happiness, and I owe it to myself because I deserve to be happy. Happiness is a choice and I prefer it to unhappiness so just consider all the times you were sad then work out what makes you happy and go with that. Remember there are more people in this world worse off than you.

I always understand that someone will be better at some things than I will be (play golf and you will understand) and there will always be a bigger car,  boat or jet plane so I remain cool when someone plays dirty to outrun me in the rat race. I am not a rat and neither am I in any race, take away the pressure and get on with who you are you are striving to be, that is the best you can be anyway.

I know my worth so I walk away from people who don't value me. They might not know my worth, but I do so I just move on by. 

Here are some links to pages that might help you in life there are lots of others on the internet as well

Also take a look at the Student Survival kit, if off to University or College

need more?

Try the Student Compendium for a list of useful information, facts and figures.

Living away from home
The Core life skills
Living in a Dorm or apartment
All about drugs
Basic First Aid
How to meet & Greet
Some nice things to think about
How to manage your phone
Simple recipes to survive
How to apply for a job
Stay safe and look after yourself
Tips on traveling
Things could be worse - jokes and stories (see sample below)
Life is about you

Sample silly sayings to make you feel good

I just got lost in thought.  It was unfamiliar territory.

 

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

 

A robber stole my bathtub! Police said they probably wanted a clean getaway!

 

I couldn't’t decide which of my two golf jumpers to wear... Until found a hole in one!

 

Whilst looking at my ceiling I thought to myself is this the best ceiling ever? it's certainly up there!

 

The local police have started cutting the grass near where I live. They’re doing a great job at keeping lawn in order.

 

Waiter: “How is the chicken sir?”

Me: “Not great... I think it might be dead!"

 

What do you call a woman on top of a house... Ruth!

 

My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out of the fridge... I can't stop, as I'll get cold turkey!

 

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

 

My wife left me for an electrician. It came as a bit of a shock

 

I have a whole bunch of dead batteries! If anyone want them, they’re free of charge!

 

I asked my only son Thomas, "have I been a good Father to you?"

He replied, "My name's Andrew"!

 

I am so upset that I misplaced my Dictionary... I am lost for words!

 

I think that men who shorten their name to Pat are missing a trick...

 

I went to a cannibal restaurant last night... It was £50 a head.

 

I was really emotional at the petrol station today! Unsure why, I just started filling up.

 

There is a nudist convention on in town next week... I might go, if I have nothing on!

 

It is my wife's birthday tomorrow, she always wanted an Amulet... Can anyone tell me how many eggs I should use? (An amulet, also known as a good luck charm)

 

My new girlfriend is a identical twin... how do I tell them apart... Well my girlfriend has a beautiful figure and her brother has a beard and beer belly!

I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.

 

I am thinking of buying a waterbed....to help me drift off at night!

 

After managing to get a new perfume for my wife for Christmas. I'm unsure if she'll like it. As it's called 'Tester'!

 

I have been looking on the Weight watchers web site and it asked me to I accept all cookies before continuing... Is that a trick question?

 

If M&Ms go to university, do they become smartens?

 

I need advice on how I can stop my kitchen windows from steaming up! Feel free to pop round, my kettle is always on!

 

I noticed a sign on the train saying, "Please give this seat to an elderly person." I unscrewed it and took it to my grandma's house!

 

I applied for a job with Amazon , They told me the interview will be between 9am to 9pm!

 

I used to believe that there was an ocean of soda; but it was just a 'fanta sea'!

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What is it with people that will not embrace modern technology?

Answers on a postcard please.

 

I was looking for directions and noticed a man walking past me. I said "excuse me sir, how do I get to the Royal Albert Hall? He replied “Practice son, practice “!

 

Some people say I am a plagiarist..Their words, not mine!

 

I was stopped in the street by a police officer who asked me why was I carrying a 9ft book? I said, "it's a long story"!

 

Once upon a time I used to think I was a teapot...I know what you're thinking, 'pour' me!

 

I ate a kids meal in McDonald's this morning. His mum was furious.

 

I hate it when people get simple sayings wrong...I mean it's not rocket surgery!

 

I am going to buy the wife a fridge for Christmas. I cannot wait to see her face light up when she opens it!

 

What do you call shoes made from bananas... Slippers

 

I recently joined a local plastic surgery group...Nice to see so many new faces!

 

I bought a cheap car last week that had a hole in the floor... I did not mind; as I only wanted something to run around in!

 

I get very annoyed when people mix up up there, they're and their... From now on I'm going to point it out, weather they like it or not!

 

Are Blazers smoking jackets that got out of control?

 

Someone stole my stack of comics... Marvel less!

 

A man from a gas company just knocked at my door, he was only 3 foot & 3 inches tall,

I said "who the hell are you?"

He said "I'm the meter man"!

 

Someone has glued my pack of cards together...I cannot deal with it!

 

Here is a question for all the mind reader’s out there...

 

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

 

It’s kind of funny how, as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking a nap and getting spanked!

 

Does anyone know what 'A.S.A.P' stands for?

I need an answer as soon as possible!

 

I have discovered the cheapest place for kids shoes is at the front of a bouncy castle!

 

I used to work in a shoe recycling factory... It was 'sole' destroying!

 

I do not trust stairs. They are always up to something or very down to earth!

 

Last night a friend asked if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him...I was married now and that's where I sleep!

 

Tesco are giving away free stuff to anyone who can outrun the security guard!

 

Does anybody remember that joke I told about a Chiropractor. It was about a 'week' back...

 

I heard that my local Bunnings store was robbed by two people tonight. Apparently they stole fireworks! The local police had the cheek to let them off !!!

 

My wife left me... She said "I watch too much cricket!" It really has hit me for 6.

 

I recently heard that dentists' are going on strike next week... Brace yourself!

 

I hate people who use the same word twice in the same sentence... Enough is enough.

 

I used to a date a girl whose left eye was missing... She was a right looker!

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Do you hate it when you buy a bag of air and it's half full of potato chips?

 

I am so lazy, my childhood ambition was to be an injured footballer.

 

Such a tragedy when my girlfriend fell into the volcano. As she was the lava of my life!

 

My sister works for a gas company... Do you wanna meter?

 

My mate said I was not a true Cockney! So, I pushed him down the apples and oranges...

 

My Boss told me that if I can get through today without mentioning biscuits, he will give me £100……..Nice!

 

My daughter wants to marry the mailman... But I won’t letter!

 

I recently started a new job as a railway worker. I am waiting to be trained!

 

'Help' My wife left me because of my Beatles music obsession. Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away!

 

After applying to emigrate to Spain the Spanish authorities asked me if I had a criminal record. I replied "I didn't realise you still needed one to enter the country"?

 

As I was looking out the window today. I noticed my neighbour stealing my socks off my washing line! I was going to confront him but I got cold feet!

 

Today I was caught stealing a tennis racket... I now have a court date tomorrow..

 

I applied for a local job recently, at the interview the manager said the hourly rates started at $7.50 an hour, but goes up to $12.50 in six months. He asked "when can you start?" I replied "in about 6 months"!

 

I’ve decided to dress up as a different type of bread each day next week... Roll on Monday!

 

I fell asleep last night reading old magazines... I woke up this morning with back issues!

 

I have applied for a job at the mirror factory... I can really see myself working there!

 

Armed robbers raided a factory with glue guns... it was a sticky situation for the police!

 

I almost fell over a box of Gillette razors in a supermarket... That was a very close shave indeed!

 

I once worked as a waiter. The pay was not great; but it was they only way to put food on the table.

 

A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf

 

I used to have a bad wi-fi connection on the farm until I moved the router to the barn. Now I have a stable connection!

 

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

 

What do you call two birds in love?
Tweet hearts!

 

Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because her parents were in a jam.

 

A man was hit very hard on the head with a can of 7Up. He’s alright though, it was a soft drink.

 

I’m feeling quite confident about a recent job interview. The interviewer said they want somebody responsible. I replied

“Oh I’m totally your man,” I told them, “whatever problem came up at my last job, they always said I was responsible!

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“A cement mixer collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.”

 

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

 

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

 

Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.

 

I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I could go in and look around. They said no and slammed the door, Geh! Parents can be so rude.

 

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

 

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

 

You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say will be

misquoted, then used against you.

 

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?

 

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

 

Remember half the people you know are below average.

 

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

 

Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.

 

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

 

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

 

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

 

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the

cheese.

 

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

 

I intend to live forever - so far so good.

 

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

 

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

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Quantum mechanics:  the dreams stuff is made of.

 

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

 

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

 

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and

going the wrong way.

 

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

 

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

 

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

 

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

 

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

 

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

 

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

 

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

 

The colder the x-ray table the more you body is required on it.

 

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of

bread.

 

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to

reach it.

 

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is

research.

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To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your

principles.

 

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

 

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

 

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

 

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

 

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 

Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

 

Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

 

Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

 

Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

 

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments!

 

How many of you believe in telekinesis?  Raise my hand...

 

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

 

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

 

He/she was so dumb...

 

..she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

 

..he sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

 

..she thought a quarterback was a refund.

 

..he tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

 

..she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

 

..he thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.

 

..she thought General Motors was in the army.

 

..he thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

 

..she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

 

..under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On

Phonics."

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..he tripped over a cordless phone.

 

..she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it

said "concentrate."

 

..he told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."

 

..at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she

put "Sagittarius."

 

..he asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

 

..she studied for a blood test.

 

..he thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."

 

..he sold the car for gas money!

 

..when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

 

..when he went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport

Left," he turned around and went home.

 

..when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she

moved.

 

..he thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

 

..if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

 

..he thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.

 

..she had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for

"This Goes In Front."

 

 

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Other helpful sites

books

Words to help you through life

compendium

 

survival

 

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Applied Information Technology * AITStage1 * AITStage2 * AITStage3 * Cert II Business * Cert II Information Technology * Multimedia

Subjects * Art * Computing * English * Geography * Hass * History * Mathematics

Miscellaneous * Acronyms * Accreditation * ICT_Homework * Naplan * Lessons * Quizzes * Relief Lessons * Proverbs * Sayings * Simile

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Email Peter Faulks

Applied Information Technology * AITStage1 * AITStage2 * AITStage3 * Cert II Business * Cert II Information Technology * Multimedia

Subjects * Art * Computing * English * Geography * Hass * History * Mathematics

Miscellaneous * Acronyms * Accreditation * ICT_Homework * Naplan * Lessons * Quizzes * Relief Lessons * Proverbs * Sayings * Simile

Exams & Tests * Student Survival Kit * Web quests * Worksheets * Home Page * Peters Site * Soccer

 

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Page last updated 23rd April 2020

© Peter J Faulks